Week 8 September 10 2018: Reflections on Religion and Race

This is going to be a reflection of my thoughts on Sri Lanka so far. It might be a bit of a ramble. Again. Please leave comments.

Buddism:

(Disclaimer: I don't know the actual teachings of Buddha. I don't know if I fully understand Buddhism. I will only speak to the strain Buddhism in Sri Lanka.)

In Sri Lanka, I've noticed that there are a lot of stories of Buddha vanquishing some evil spirit or Yakka etc. The number of places and times it's believed Buddha did so, in Sri Lanka,  is impossible, especially since he lived most of his life in India. People pray and discuss Buddha as if he were something similar to a Prophet, rather than a philosopher or teacher. Basically a lot of small folk myths and legends replace what ever deity used to be there with Buddha.  Many Buddhist here also believe in all the older Hindu Gods, that predate the arrival of Buddhism to the island, however all the gods bow before Buddha (this was literally told to me by a monk at a temple in Kandy).

As far as my classes have been teaching me, Buddhism differs from almost all other religions, in that the goal of Nirvana (Nibbanna) is basically non-existence.  The goal is to stop being re-incarnated so that you can stop suffering.

Buddhism teaches that:

1) Nothing is permanent - Anicha
 2)All life is Suffering (we age, we get, we get sick, we die etc)- Duhka
3) There is no permanent soul (There is the idea that the stuff that makes up your soul, psychic energy etc is the thing that gets reincarnated, but you have no control over where and how it happens or if id does, etc Basically it isn't your soul to control).  - Anattha

There is also the rule of Karma which is the actions you take and have taken, and come back to bite you. I.E you cause everything yourself.
The idea is that if you have enough balance in your life, and you stop your clinging to life, and to the world, you can stop being incarnated. (Note: there are many worlds besides this one you can be reincarnated from and to).  Lastly, and possibly MOST IMPORTANTLY

You are dependent on yourself for your own Salvation.

My Thoughts:

First of all I fundamentally agree with 1-3.  Yes, NOTHING is permanent, to the point that it is painful and scary. Your wealth, your health, your looks, your strength your weakness, your passion, your apathy, it will all fade to background noise one day as time marches on. The law of entropy shows that one day, not even the universe can continue to exist.  The rule of impermanence applies to everything. 

The thing you thought was most important at the age of 5, you've probably forgotten by now. That one friend who at one point you thought you couldn't imagine life with out, you probably haven't spoken or thought about in years. 

Impermanence:

In my own personal life, I'm hyper-aware that nothing will last. If I am happy, it's only for that moment.  If a night feels special and I never want it to end, I will only be able to think about the coming morning, and fill with Dread. 

"Realizing that the people I love,
the people I trust

are ALL 

not permanent."

Clinging is a strong source of suffering.  For me, impermanence means realizing that the people I love, the people I trust are ALL not permanent. They can walk out of my life at anytime, or in many cases, they unintentionally phase out. It scares me. (Probably the thing I am most afraid of, and yet it's inevitable). 

 It fills me with a feeling of grief to know that someone is a memory, or that someone will become a memory, and eventually they will not be apart of my current reality. I'm sad to know that I am a memory.  I have friends who I treasure in my memory although I we aren't really friends anymore, and I don't know them now.  They are different people than the ones I befriended. 

 Sometimes I mourn the loss of a feeling. Loving others, is like a breath of fresh air when your drowning, it's like the warmth of a fire on a cold winter night. The anticipation and excitement as you wait to see them, the relief at seeing them, especially after a long stressful day etc, the feeling that envelopes you like warm soft blanket, it's like your buzzed just from their presence. The person whom you once sought for comfort, whose smile made you feel like the world was bright yellow and pink, even when its raining, that will leave you, and a new friend, or group of friends might come into your universe and be your new center of gravity.  The old friend will become a memory. The feeling you had about them will be all that remains, and it is a memory of a feeling,  they are a memory of a memory.

People are not permanent. They might die, they might be busy with their own life, they might just decide they don't like hanging out anymore. There is nothing I can do to make them stay.

But that's all the more reason to love and enjoy the relationships, friendships and at their time. Things shouldn't be Permanent, because would they honestly be as valuable? Anything that we perceive as "with us forever" we also start to take for granted, whether it be earth and her resources, or our parents and their generosity.  Love is like taste, we savor it because we know we might not always have it, but it is still worth savoring.

"And when the end  comes, 

I may be left with no regret,

 so that I can truly, let go"

I am always thinking about the fact that "this joy will end", so I throw myself, full force, into the moment. I hold on tight and cling to it, to them, to the feeling they bring me, for as long as I can. And when the end  comes, I may be left with no regret, so that I can truly, let go. That is the only way I know how to love and care for others.


Suffering/Salvation and Karma. 

Life is suffering. Yeah, there's no argument I have against that. Life sucks. If you don't agree just read any newsfeed.  Whether its racism, sexism, classicism, homophobia, islamophobia, xenophobia, or people being just down right greedy and mean, there is never a shortage of atrocities we inflict upon each other.

On a personal level, life is suffering. Life is stress filled with worries riddled with anxiety and stained with disappointment, and decorated with high highs, and some terrible lows.  I agree, this too comes from clinging.  Clinging to a job, to an idea, to a dream to a goal, clinging to an idea of self that you will never be able to achieve, clinging to perfection, its all suffering.

Clinging is self imposed.  Also, there is the strong notion in Buddhism that you are responsible for what happens to you, which I generically agree with, save a few caveats.

"Failing to meet 

the impossible standard 

I had set for myself, 

was ... difficult. "

In own life I think about it this way. I chose to attend Harvard, I chose to study Engineering, despite finding it to be super challenging.  I chose to spend all those late nights in the library, dining hall or in my room trying to study. I have literally worked myself into a 3 day fever, been convinced that my entire self worth is solely based on my grades, productivity, ability to contribute to society and  I didn't ask for help the entire time. (Honestly, I didn't know how to, or know that I could). 

At Harvard, I had this ideal of who I was, and who I was going to be, that changed quickly.  In the first month of school almost every major identity I had was called into question. By the second year of college I had no Idea who I was, or who I wanted to be.  By Junior year, I knew who I wasn't, and by Senior year I was desperately trying to become a new version of who I thought I wanted to be, without ever stopping to think who was I, anyways? Or why I wanted to change those things about myself.  One thing I did was I clung to this Idea that I needed to be perfect. That I have to make it look like everything is okay, that I am my best self all of the time, etc. From my body image to my academic success, to my moral character.  Failing to meet the impossible standard I had set for myself, was ... difficult. 

Its fair to say that I have experienced some lows, (and Harvard's culture of Misery Olympics didn't help).

On the other hand, when I was at Harvard, I met people who fundamentally changed how I saw the world. Whether they were close friends or random classmates. They were my highs highs. They stimulated my brain and made me curious, realizing parts of myself I didn't know existed. It is because of them I sought the time and space to do the much needed and arduous work of defining myself, for myself.  I also completed a senior design project, and in doing so  got to be apart of a community forged in the bowels of the engineering department.  The day I completed my thesis was one of the highest points I'd ever felt. I loved the investigation, thinking out of the box, researching,  the overall dogmatic pursuit of a solution to a problem. 

"Embrace the pain, 

live as many lives as you can, 

because pain and suffering

 are also NOT permanent."

I once asked an elderly engineering professor, what the secret to happiness was.  He told me "people like us are never happy.  You wouldn't be here [at Harvard] otherwise... [We  are always  chasing something, the next discovery, or goal]"  We had an extended conversation about it. The summary of which is, you can be happy in moments for for a day, but that never lasts, what we live for is the chase.  

If someone were to offer me the chance to do it all over again, with out the highs, or the Lows I would say no.  Life may be suffering, but its also what makes us grow, it challenges us to be better. Embrace the pain, live as many lives as you can, because pain and suffering are also NOT permanent.

 I wouldn't trade a single night of sleepless bloodshot and blurry eyes, I wouldn't chose to study something I find easy, or comes naturally to me, I wouldn't change what I studied. If I did, I wouldn't be here, in Sri Lanka, on a fellowship learning about myself.  It taught me to learn. Learn to be kinder, learn to be accepting, learn that everyone has problems and no one is perfect, learn to be okay with imperfection and the bumps in the road.  It taught be that not only does everyone deserve mercy, I can be merciful to myself too.

I learned to love the Journey. 


This also leads me to the topic of Salvation and Karma. Its no wonder people treat Buddha like a God who can save them. If my salvation is supposed to come from myself, then I am never getting saved.  As I mentioned, humans, are terrible, even to ourselves.  I don't know if I'd call myself a Christian, but I do believe in a Loving God.  I am fundamentally incapable of saving myself, hell most times, I can't even forgive myself for small mistakes.  Do you ever notice how we are usually our own harshest judge? The concept that we are truly alone and that there is nothing in existence that we can call upon for help or unconditional love... Its frightening to me.  But perhaps it is freeing? I do believe that through meditation and training the mind humans can become much more than our physical flesh. I do believe we can obtain great wisdom and understanding all on our own.


The Idea of Karma: 

First of all, Buddhism is supposed to do away with Caste, however that is not the case in Sri Lanka.  Castes are entrenched into the very order of each monastery. (I will talk more on this below in Contending with Privilege).

The issue I have with Karma is the Idea that you deserve what happens to you.  For example, someone told me that people are poor, because in a past life they must have been greedy. First of all this idea ignores all the societal barriers that may be a root cause of poverty.  Perhaps, in some ways it does alleviate the question and guilt of why are some people born rich and others born poor. Perhaps there is some comfort in the Idea of Cosmic justice, and Karma, knowing the person will pay for their sins, etc but I find that leaves little room for mercy or social change.

I was also told that my brother, who has down syndrome, probably did something bad in a past life.  Down Syndrome is a randomly occurring DNA mutation that is known as a trisome.  Maybe he is paying for a past sin, or maybe he is a Gift from God, or maybe he is just one of the many people born differently because "Science"? Honestly WHO CARES? I will not pity him, and I do not pity him.  He is not some unfortunate soul.  He  simply is.  The sky is blue, the sun is hot, water is wet, and Sanjai is my brother. I don't really need to seek a reason for it. He is the one person who will love me unconditionally, the person who I want to strangle some nights, and hug other nights. We fight like cats and dogs, he teases me about my hair, and tells me men are stupid in the same breathe that he tells me I need to get married. He makes me laugh, and has definitely made me cry. He is simply my brother.  Regardless of whether or not he had a past life, he is here now, in this life, with me.

This is not to say I don't believe in Reincarnation.  I do. I believe very strongly that people can be reincarnated, that doesn't mean everyone is, and it doesn't mean you are paying for your sins, to me, it just means you're still learning and growing, and that the next life has something to teach you.  The idea that something bad has happened to someone because of a past life is not a good impetus for change.

I will give the following example of a system of oppression.  Let's apply Karma to the American 1800 Enslavement system.  If someone was born a slave, than it was because the did something wicked in a past life. True, enslavement in it of itself is a horrible and atrocious system, but the person who is born as a master, deserves to be a master, right? They must have done something great in a past life. There is not reason to change the status quo other than the fact that Enslaving people is wrong, and you as a master might be born again later as a slave. There is no impetus to change the system. Similarly with Caste, if it is believed that your caste is based on your actions in a past life, than even though Buddha says there shouldn't be caste systems, it makes sense that there is also no real reason to get rid of them. I fear that the tendency, especially of the upper class, that has been afforded a lot of privilege is to say that "Well they are poor because they were greedy", "They are in that low Caste because of a past life" etc.  It means that they don't have to confront their privilege or challenge the systems of oppression that might have afforded them their privilege.  Similar to the idea in America that people are poor or homeless because they are lazy. (MY thoughts on this a still VERY MUCH unfinished).


NOTE:
I do see a lot of beauty in Buddhism, and I do think that many people take its teachings to heart. (I will write more about this next time. There are also a lot of rituals in Buddhism that I would love to discuss) I also should acknowledge that NO religion is perfect. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism etc all have their flaws, and Buddhism can be a perfect for someone else, just not for me. 

 Contending with Privilege  

The Sinhala Privilege:

A few Weeks ago, some where in Galle:

"Well its just Sri Lankan tradition..."  I say explaining some random observation I've made so far about Sri Lanka, and her rich Heritage. 

"You mean the sinhala, or all Sri Lankans?" Aeyah, corrects, reminding me that not everyone in Sri Lanka is Sinhala.  I cock my head at him, realizing my implicit assumption, that to be Sri Lankan is to be Sinhala. 
"I mean is there a difference?" I asked in mock arrogance. Aeyah raises his eyebrow and gives me his dead-pan, NOT-Funny look. I sigh and respond,

"Oh Yeah. It's probably a Sinhala thing" I agree with a shrug. Aeyah smirks, with the face that indicates he's about to say something clever. I roll my eyes and wait.  

"So?!?  How does it feel to be White?" Aeyah asks me with a laugh. 

"Hey I'm Not White" I respond, whining.  Aeyah, laughs and raises an eyebrow.  

"FINE" he says in mock annoyance, "How does it feel to be a majority?"

"Its Great! Everything is about me or my people" I reply with a grin. We sit down for dinner and I realize that in someways, being in Sri Lanka, as a Sinhala person, is a lot like being white.  

The racial dynamics overlapped, as the native Veddha population is almost extinct, only they weren't genocided as they were in the USA.  Sinhala makes up roughly 70% of the population. There are 2 primary types of Tamil, the Jaffna Tamils that have been in Sri Lanka since about the 7th Century, and the Plantation Tamils that were brought in by the British as basically slaves int the 18-19th century. The Sinhala have been in Sri Lanka since about the 3rd century.  There was already a preexisting native population prior to both groups arrival.  There is also a significant Muslim population the Moors, and the Malays and various other groups. 

Civil War History (<-link! Click me to learn more)

I'm gonna summarize the main backstory.  Sri Lanka just finished a 30 year civil war with the LTTE (i.e Tamil Tigers) which ended about 8-9years ago. The Tamil Tigers invented the suicide bomb, and routinely targeted civilian landmarks such as Temples etc. (Now the original argument for making a smaller Tamil state was valid.. until the LTTE did -ish like that). 

There was a Crap ton of back and forth killing between Tamil V Muslims, and Tamils V Sinhala. The Sinhala majority also has made a series of laws that favour the Sinhala majority, and negatively impacted primarily the plantation Tamils. They also committed serious war crimes against Tamil Civilians(<link) where people started going missing.  There was riots and all sorts of nonsense. The offensive that eventually ended the war was BRUTAL. I would contend that it may have been necessary, but it was extremely brutal.  

The problem is

 1) The plantation Tamils were brought here they had no say in the matter, so they had some legitimate claim 

2) They face discrimination from the Sinhala majority soon after  the country gained independence from the British. 

3) There is still a LOT of distrust between the Tamils and the Government. 

4) There are still Tons, Missing from the war who were innocent civilians.

5) There is still military occupation in the Jaffna Tamil Homeland, and some other areas

I wonder how I would look at things if I were half Tamil, and not Half Sinhala?If I had a grand parent or uncle who disappeared in the war, would I look at the same Police and smile? or would I feel the same fear and distrust I do in America? In the USA, the first time I ever got pulled over for a ticket I was scared out of my mind. The cop was nice, but I was shaking. I kept thinking Why is his hand on his holster? Why is he holding a gun?  When I pulled away I started crying. I don't think I have ever been as scared in my life.  I have no reason to be afraid, but I was afraid enough to have a full blown panick attack.

"My first instinct is trust, not fear"

Here, in Sri Lanka, I talk to the police.  They are always happy to stop and talk.  Give me directions and advice.  They smile at me, and are usually excited to learn that I am visiting Sri Lanka etc. I truly feel safer with them walking the streets. (p.s There are police Everywhere). I think the difference is that the police in Sri Lanka look like me. I believe they are here for my safety.  It makes sense why in America, so many people don't understand "black lives matter". It's because they have no reason to fear the cops.  My first instinct is trust, not fear, and that is a privilege. 

Everything in Sri Lanka is about the Sinhala. The Sinhalese arrived to sri lanka around, 500BCE, the Tamils arrived around 200BCE. But when we talk about ancient history or Kingdoms, we talk about the Sinhala empires.  The Tamil empires are viewed as separate invading forces. They aren't taught as Sri Lankan history. The myths and folktales in Sri Lanka all focus on Sinhala kings. Kind Dutu Gamunu killed the "Fair Tamil King". He is an Icon, for restoring the Buddhist faith to prominence.  Everyone I've met has spoken of him with pride.  Whose history is taught? Sinhala. Whose language is spoken? Sinhala. Whose religion is normalized and intermixed with Politics? Sinhala. Which traditions are taught? Sinhala. Everything caters to the sinhala majority, especially the history of the war.  I catch myself doing it to.  How many times do I say Sri Lankan, when I really mean Sinhala?
 How many times do you say American, when you really mean White?

Caste Privilege: 

Background:

In Sri Lanka the Caste system isn't as rigid as the 5 Caste system of Hinduism. People's Caste primarily related to their occupation.  There was also a distinction between landowners/royalty, and Kandian  there is your merchants, then skilled labor, artisans etc, then you have your basic laborers. Many of the middle castes were able to mix, especially with the advent of Buddhism. However There are separate monastic orders based on which caste you are.  

Caste Rank ---- Caste Name  ---- Monastic orders ----  Regions 

 Highest possible---(High Country)Kandian Goyigama --Asgiriya & Malwatha --- Kandy only

_______________________________________________________________________

Second Highest  ---   Low Country Goyigama    ---  Rohana   -----      Galle, Marthura, Hambanthara,

___________________________________ _---   Kotte      -----      Colombo, Gampaha, Kalutela 

_______________________________________________________________________

Generic Middle ---     Pahdu      ------         Amurapura       -----          All regions

Generic Middle ---    Hakuru     ------          Amurapura      -----          All regions

 _______________________________________________________________________

Lowest Caste --- Dobes/ Untouchable --- Ramanyania Nikye ----      All regions 

_______________________________________________________________________

So the italicized names are the Caste.  The Pahdu and Hakuru and like 20 other names all fall into that middle, and their wealth etc. Also the orders are now in the process of trying to unify but are realizing all sorts of Grief from centuries of differences and castes associations. 

Goyigamas, regardless of region are supposed to be all the same caste, however Kandy is viewed as the last Sinhala strong hold and resistance against the British. They also didn't suffer from the Portuguese, or Dutch influence, or have many non-sinhala influences, like the other various kingdoms. 

A poor Goyigama from Kandy still out ranks a rich Goyigama from Galle.  

It just so happens, my grandfather's family are Goyigamas from Galle, and they all (except my grandpa) married other Goyigamas. My grandmothers family is from Gampaha, and not Goyigamas, or Pahdus. or Hakurus. 

I recently went to an alms giving in which I met MUCH of my family on my grandfather's side. I find that much of the remnants of the Caste system function similar to the intersection between Race and Class in the US. For example, someone who grew up in poverty, and overcame every obstacle (e.g My GRANDMOTHER) and ended up doing Very well financially, raised a fantastic family etc, but they are still not completely free of the burden of the Caste they were born into.  Sorta like how a black person can graduate from Harvard and enter into traditionally white spaces, but never really be free of the burden of Being Black.  (...Not that I'm salty or  would know anything about that....😅sips tea☕) 

Anyways....

My family on my Grandfather's side dotes on me, and treats me like I am a stand in for my late grandfather. My mom and aunt don't have such pleasant memories.  My mom remembers that her grandfather never acknowledged her of her siblings.  She remembers his funeral and her father not being allowed in for the reading of the will. She remembers distance. 

However time heals all wounds, and thus as the nearest representative of my grandfather,  I am treated as the long lost daughter returned. (Not to mention, everyone adored the man, as I've been told many times, "He had a big Heart"). I inherit my grandfather's caste.  

The privilege 

The Goyigamas all have inherited land, or money, or privileges such as going abroad for college. Half the family is doctors, businessmen or affiliated with politics in some form or another.  They all speak English, went to competitive preschools, starting from elementary ending in high school.  Also, MOST of them have servants. 

It's hard for me to summarize the nuances of the impact of Caste, but I think the comparative examples about servants will give some ideas about privilege.  

In Kandy, the Servant's name is Siva. I call him Siva, despite finding it mildly awkward since I literally don't call any other man his age by their first name with out "Uncle" or "Seeyah" attached to it.  He almost never comes into the house, and never from the front door if he does.  He's older and doesn't speak any English. When it was the Perahera and I wanted to go to a near by Carnival, my Seeyah would not let me go alone.  He sent Siva with me.  Mind you this is from 9pm - about 11pm, and Siva is usually up before 7am, as my Seeyah is usually awake before then. Granted this is not unusual.  

When my friend Aèyah (Andrés) was visiting, we had a driver, who literally would drive us to dinner and wait for 2 hours while we ate, before going and having his own dinner, despite our best efforts to invite him to join us (we'll pay) or  convince him that he can go eat dinner and come back. He refused. He sat out front with the other drivers. It was as if this is just what is expected from a service role, that he didn't break decorum by joining us, and he also was always available if we needed to call him.  (Sidenote: He was an amazing driver, who has invited me to his house for tea. I told him I'd be delighted, the next time I'm in Kandy I think off duty we can be friends and much more informal. His daughter is my age and speaks English).

Thus, it is not unusual for Seeyah to make a request, like "Accompany her to this Carnival" etc. It is, however, a privilege, since they have the ability to hire a servant, (often times, a live in servant). Siva, treats me as if I am an extension of Seeyah. He is nice and kind to me, but there is a distinctive distance between us. I never pay obeisance (bowing) to him, although I do for my Seeyah.  It is just different...

The comparative example:

An old friend of my Grandpa, who is now my Sinhala teacher.  He is from roughly the same caste as my grandmother. He has told me stories of living in Kandy for a while as a child, as his father worked for the government. All the boys at school bath in the middle of the day at the school's bathing well --for lack of a better word-- and it was 500 boys. They use to tell him
"The Ducks bathe after the Swans" as they would take his bucket that he brought and use it to bath. the Kandians are the Swans, he was the duck. He did quite well for himself, and he now has a largish house and a servant. 

The servant is named Sheila.  I have NEVER called her Sheila. From the time she was introduced till now, she is "Auntie Sheila" or just Auntie. She talks to Auntie Murie, the teacher's wife, as if they are old friends. She sits in the living room, and walks about the house. She is there servant. They have told me she is their house help.  (They actually don't use the word servant, whereas the Wirasinghes do). They have, in the past, asked her to accompany a few blocks as a I left to make sure I knew the way home. But when I get to Uncle Asoka's house, I pay obeisance(bow) to Auntie Sheila, to Auntie Murie, and to my teacher, Uncle Asoka. She speaks to me and treats me exactly like you would expect an old Grandmother figure to treat a grandchild. She's constantly giving me biscuits and telling me to speak in Sinhala. Perhaps the different dynamic is due to the fact that Uncle Asoka, and Auntie Murie come from similar backgrounds as her. 

My Conclusion:

 I love my Grandfather's side of the family.  The Wirasinghe's are proud, and intelligent family, who are bound by their sense of honor, kindness, and duty. However, its my grandmother's side of the family who traditionally didn't have access to such expensive education, and so often worked as house help, that I feel I understand.  They have had to overcome obstacles,  Their stories remind me of my Black American family history.  However, I have grown up in similar privilege to the Wirasinghes.  I have gone to good schools my whole life, lived in a nice house, and even have the privilege to be living abroad right now. Thus I have enjoyed luxuries that my cousins and relatives on my Goyigama side understand and I have faced discrimination and biases that my grandmother's side understands. So where do I Stand? 

MY LIFE UPDATE

Okay guys, this is my quick life update, and random thoughts. (YES More Random than BEFORE) 

THOUGHTS

First off: It's been a minute since Aèyah (Andrés) left. Almost 4 weeks. The first week he was gone, I was still staying in Kandy, and I sorely felt his absence. It was nice just to have a friend around.  I mean sometimes we didn't even talk but just knowing I had a friend was nice. He is also someone who knows me insanely well which might be why his absence so acutely. Coming back to Maharagama helped a lot.  I find I miss people more when I associate them with a location. Aèyah (Andrés) was never in Maharagama, so I didn't feel constantly reminded of him.

 I quickly bounced back from that bout of loneliness, by just being busy.  I spend a Lot of time with my Master's family, and also with the host of little kids in the neighborhood, and a lot of time at my Sinhala class.  I am also making new friends and learning to be okay with the quiet.  There are many long silences here, in them, I think. I am beginning to enjoy that. Yes, I still want constant stimulation, but I'm learning to like the silence. 

. 

ANGAMPORA & HEALTH

So Last week I went to Angampora almost everyday.  I have been invited to attend a lot more practices than just the Saturday and Sunday Practice.  It's great, as it is tiring.  I have started learning Sword fighting.  Some days I go and it's just me and Master. I am using Real swords to learn. Yes, I have accidentally cut myself with them... 3 times. My arms luckily are much more used to the movement, and the weight, so yay, hopefully no more cuts or small bruises.  The sword style is one sword in each hand. 

The Last 4 days I've been taking it easy, since last practice,  I made myself sick. I'm still learning the limits of my body. I believe in surpassing pain and limits. I have a REALLY  hard time learning when to stop.  (Remember how I Said In College, I worked myself into a 3 day fever?)  Anyways so the last few practices it seems I was suffering from something called heat exhaustion.  (I had almost all the symptoms)

I felt dizzy, and thought I was going to throw up. It happened about 3 practices in a row (all the practices were back to back to back).  However, the first two times it happened, I just felt dizzy and tired, perhaps a bit light headed.  I thought I was just not used to the Work Out Regimen. I, also, didn't know I was that dehydrated, since the other students don't drink that much water during practice. It didn't occur to me that they grew up in Sri Lanka, and might be more acclimated to the  heat.  So Monday I thought I was gonna throw up.  I didn't know how to communicate this to Master.  Luckily I'm all good now and drinking LOTS of Water.  

(Oh side note, I think I sprained my pinky at one point? Idk...  its fine now I guess. )

I also have started learning 1 handed sword fighting as well.  Angampora movements are so interesting.  Master showed me his notebook, and I realized that your feet actually form a pseudo-tessellation pattern with rotational symmetry. It's brilliant!  I sometimes feel like I'm in an adventure novel, or movie where I go and get trained by an Old Master for a while, and then come back and beat some villain.  

Here is what they DON'T tell you about in those training montage videos:

1) Its really Hard!

2) Its really hot. The reason I had heat exhaustion is because it is regularly 84-90F (29-32C)  with 70% to 85% humidity.  The Humidity is very dangerous. (yeah, I was working out 3.5 -4 hours nonstop in that)

3) MOSQUITOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 So I'm really excited. I finally have a Mosquito net, which will be set up in tomorrow.  Mosquitoes have been eating me alive.  I have ~22 bites of my Right arm, ~17 bites on my left arm, I have 4 on my lower back  and I gave up on my feet. I honestly think of the book Hatchet when Brian swarmed by mosquitoes. 

LASTLY,

I love it here. I suppose I find that I don't really believe I have a home anywhere. There is the place I grew up, the place I was forged, and the place I am now. Each one has different strings pulling me back, but as I make more connections, and more ties, the strength of one individual string weakens.  I love Sri Lanka because of the people, because of the culture, because it's mine.  I can see myself living and working here. Going to the local market and to the beach. I have no true home, not real cling to one place, thus I can go anywhere. Why not here? 

Here is some pictures of the Almsgiving